Face your fear

Not long ago, Sparrow from A Sparrow's flight introduced me to a woman's blog post about the now pretty famous Slut Walk. The blog is called Becoming Supermommy, you can find her post here: It wasn't my fault
I really enjoyed reading it, and found it very moving. This great lady talked about a subject that is very near to my heart, and I thought it was incredibly brave of her to share her feelings with the world. I was amazed to read the comments and to see how many women and girls have gone through such devastating experiences. It is scary to think how many men are out there are willing to hurt people in such a way. I thought I'd share this post with all of you as well, in the hopes that any of you who have gone through something like that will feel strengthened by reading it.

For those who don't know what the Slutwalk is.. here's a little background. It was started first this year in April, and has been repeated throughout the world. Recently even in Amsterdam. It's womens' response to a police officer's remark that women should avoid dressing like sluts in order to not be victimized. Women gathered together and made a protest in the street, dressed very slutty, to prove a point, that no matter what you're wearing, it is no excuse. I heartily approve of this protest and if it would ever happen in Belgium, I'd gather my girlfriends and drag them along to walk.

It's a scary world if you can't even wear a short skirt and show cleavage without men thinking it is an open invitation to get all over you. It doesn't always have to be an attack. I'm sure many of you have experienced going out and dancing, dressed sexy, and being groped and getting verbal filt thrown at you by some drunken weirdo. I absolutely hate that, and all I want at that moment is for someone to come and rescue me and to get that freaking guy away from me.
If you've been through the worst, it's moments like that when it all comes back to you. But you can't let it bring you down, face your fear, and tell that man to leave you the hell alone. I'm always grateful for some of my girlfriends who are tough as nails in moments like that. I try to be like them and not let them get away with treating me like I'm an object just because I'm out dancing and drinking.

To all those girls out there, who've been through the worst, I send you my love. People don't always understand how much it messes you up, in so many ways, but don't let it kill the amazing woman you are. He doesn't deserve it. One day someone will put their arms around you and you'll know you're safe. Don't let it make you feel less beautiful and don't let it make you fear intimacy. Because when it is with someone great, it will be amazing. The fear will go away eventually, tucked away in a boxed, sealed tight. And you'll be happy and not scared.

Be brave. Life can be hard, and so very painful, and sometimes you'll feel so hurt nothing will seem to matter anymore. But keep hoping, no matter what, there is always hope.

I've come through

Even though there are still things in my life right now that make me sad and blue, I know that I'm strong enough to get over it, and feel better the next day. I know that because as a teenager I was really low, due to certain painful events, and I wasn't able to cope with it properly. It took me a long time to feel happy about myself and forget about the painful experiences, and getting my heart broken badly along the way to growing up didn't help.
But now I feel like I've pulled my act together and I've learned better ways of dealing with sad things. I've put the past in a box, not forgotten, but it has a place now and it doesn't bother me anymore.

I used to think life was really cruel, that other people seemed to get all the luck and I got all the crap, but when you look around properly you realise that really isn't so. There will always be people who are better or worse off then yourself, you should find the good in your own life. I once got a poster from a guy with a long quotation from Desiderata, and what it said really made sense to me, especially the end:

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.


And it really is a beautiful world. I've come to realise that lately, now that I'm truly entering grown-up life. Things won't always work out the way you want them to, you will get hurt, you will have sad moments, you might feel bad about yourself, but the key is to not focus on these things. They will pass, you won't feel sad forever. Happy moments will come along. And it's those that make life worth living, it's those you should think about instead of hanging on to things that will only make you bitter. As a young girl growing up, it's too difficult sometimes to see the good, you're still unable to look further in the future and emotions run wild and sometimes they're all over the place and you have no way to contain them. This is what often leads to bad ways of coping. Luckily, we do grow up, we learn to control our emotions and find ways to cope.

Although being a teenager was fun at times, I'm glad I've grown up and feel better in my skin and about life in general. No more sitting alone in a dark room feeling sad and pondering, time to get out, and if you're still there, get out now! Go outside, there are better things out there.
There is so much good in the world and so many beautiful things to see and amazing things to experience.

I learned to focus on the little things. When I feel blue, I might have myself a good cry for a moment, but then it's time to get up and dry my tears and laugh again.

What are the little things for me that make life great?

* Singing loudly in the shower, not caring who hears
* A nice evening at home with my family watching tv
* People who show real gratitude for me helping them at work
* My dogs happy and greeting me when I come home
* Wearing an outfit that makes me feel confident and attractive
* Laughing with friends and reminiscing crazy moments from the days in school
* Shopping with my mom
* Seeing a great movie
* Sitting in the garden under the parasol on a sunny day, just enjoying
* Getting a compliment
* Be amazed when seeing a beautiful place
* Hearing great stories of family members long gone
* Seeing cute babies
* Making new friends

There are so many more. If you had to list all the little things that put a smile on your face and make you feel good, that list might very well be very very long. Think about it, you might realise life is short, and not seeing for what it really is, is a true waste.
Strive to be happy!